I posted a little before about shame. One of the effects of shame is that it causes you to want to hide your true self. You believe that if people see you – really see you – they will realise how defective or wicked you are and will reject you. It’s also true though that deep inside everyone wants to be ‘found’, to be truly seen for who you are, completely accepted and unconditionally loved.
As a child I experienced a lot of shame and I used to hide – literally. I had a bedroom in an attic conversion and there was a door in my room into the attic space. I used to crawl into this and hide in a dark corner where no one would see me. Sometimes I would stay there for hours! (Yes, I was a mixed up kid!)
I also tried running away. I had no real long term plan in this, I just packed a bag and left without even knowing where I was going. What I really wanted was for someone to care enough to come looking for me. I desperately wanted to be found!
My dad did, indeed, come looking for me, driving up and down the country lanes near our house until he found me and brought me home.
What I have come to know since is that wherever or however I run or hide, God will find me, pursuing me with love and bringing me home. I have discovered what I didn’t know as a child, that I am totally and unconditionally loved, even with all my flaws. I am ‘seen’ and known and still accepted. There is a true home for me in God’s heart, a place where I belong.
This is what I would love everyone to experience, because each of you is well worth finding!